Irrevocably damaged, yet soooo hot

Favorite sexy deviants:

• Dr. Greg House (House, M.D.)
• James Bond (the Daniel Craig version)
• Dr. Owen Hunt (the crazy Army doc from Grey's Anatomy)
• Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
• Adam Levine (Maroon 5...I assume he's damaged because he's so f'in arrogant in interviews)

On a side note, for some reason I don't find craziness sexy in women. I like my women sane:)

Git some larnin' boy!

If you'll let them, these books have a lot to teach and will make you think:

• Interpreter of Maladies (Hardcover)--Jhumpa Lahiri
• Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith (Paperback)--Jon Krakauer
• Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (Paperback)--Malcolm Gladwell
• A Short History of Nearly Everything (Paperback)--Bill Bryson
• Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed (Paperback)--Jared Diamond
  

Promises to myself for 2009

• Treat my body better with more exercise, better food, less bad stuff
• Stay positive and be kind to myself
• Develop better self will
• Meet more people/make more friends
  
• Figure out how to better harness my talents, informally
  

Although FIVE. has gone on hiatus during the holidays....

I did want to share some things I'm thankful for:

• My mom....she is my bedrock, and I'm very happy about her new husband. I am happy as they make their life together... I want her to be the happiest wife, mother, friend, etc. on earth because she deserves it.
• 
  
• My work friends---they are a bunch of interesting talented people from all walks of life, who are kind, friendly, fun and creative. I don't know what I'd do without all the inappropriateness and belly laughs...lose my sanity, I think.
  
• 
  
• My posse--This group just makes me smile. People you just met who would give you the shirt off their back, they don't judge, and they can cook some damn good ribs:) This is where I can be me...up in the woods, no makeup, a shoulder to cry on if i need it, then go drink beers, play scrabble and laugh till my chest hurts. These are my true brothers and sisters....the extended family I didn't have.
  
• 
  
• My job---it has been so amazing to be able to switch from one very defined job into a "make it up as you go along" position. As well as offering flexibility for my grad program starting this fall. The trust and support are overwhelming. I hope I can make everyone proud of me.
• 
  
• My life---things are going so well...I am finding time to volunteer, and I'd like to do more of that. I spend time with people who are loving and encouraging, and I also get my precious alone time. While it would be nice to find a partner to share some of myself with, I really can't complain about the time and the fullness i have on my own.

So this is a little more reflective than my usual cynical funny tone. I can be sappy too! I just wanted to share my gratefulness for the grace and gifts I receive daily, and definitely tell everyone that I give that same love back.

It's not catchy, it doesn't have a beat...

Pop stars that I absolutely can't stand (actually that's not strong enough---pop stars that make me want to rip my ears off)

• Jessica Simpson
• Celine Dion
• Anyone from American Idol
• Miley Cyrus
• Any girl group created by P-Diddy
  

I'm good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me!

Because I can't entertain you ALL the time, here are some of my favorite blogs:

• BlogXXXXXX (I cringe at the name, so I'll let you discover it if you follow the link
• I Can Has Cheezburger and its canine companion I Has a Hotdog, to get your daily dose of LOLCats and LOLDogs
• Mental Floss, so I can fake being smart at parties
• Not Always Right--Like Office Space for anyone who's ever worked in customer service
• The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy...hilarious look into one person's life...that somehow makes my own seem better
  

And God said, "It is good."

Favorite church signs (as seen on Church Sign Generator--thanks Crystal!)

• God's Favorite Word is 'Come'
• Stop Drop Roll Won't Work in Hell
• Don't Let Jesus Catch You Riding Dirty
• There Cant Nobody Do Me Like Jesus
• I Feel Trapped
  

How do babies get made?

If you don't know, I'm not going to teach you. But here are some other things that you might wonder--how is it made?

• Chainsaws
• Condoms
• Hot dogs--the narration of this one is WRONG!
• Vodka
• Terducken
  

And now for the star of our show, Complete Humiliation!

OK, so these are the winners out of the millions of queries I got. Thanks, Matt. I hope you respect me in the morning.

1, Matt from Decatur writes:

Can you claim the absence of a soul on your insurance, or would they tell you to just buy some brunette Nice'n Easy?

In the absence of a state-approve soul checker, they simply close their eyes and try to get me out of their office as soon as possible.

2. Matt from Decatur also asks:
Does the carpet match the rug or are we looking at hardwood floors?

Two words: Cave pubes.
No really, the carpet doesn't match the drapes, though they're in complementary tones. No hardwood...reminds me of a little girl (ugh), plus I like my nether regions to have protection against the cold.

3. Will you ever be seen on the river again?
Well definitely I will hang out and be RP, but I will probably get back out in a kayak next summer. I just have to lose some weight, get back into my kayaking clothes, and find a boat that fits. But I will be spending a LOT of time on the Cartecay and Nanty before I be hitting the O.

4. Will you ever have sex again?
At this point, it's looking doubtful. I think I need to adopt 5 more cats and embrace being a crazy cat lady. Tools usually do a better job anyway. That way I can just be a crazy aunt to Matty, Davis and Miles...call me Auntie Mame.

5. What are you most looking forward to right now?
My ski/snowboard trip in January. I got all my gear so I am psyched. I am going to be bruised and tired from falling on my ass all day, but it's a good group, and I know it'll be a blast. Oh yeah, and I get to sleep with a gay man. Yay.











'

Splat!

Favorite Atari games

• Donkey Kong
• Pitfall
• Ms. Pacman
• Frogger
• Pong