There's a good reason why I'm afraid of children...

These movies:

• Pet Sematary (evil kid + syringe=hell)
• Children of the Corn (I am afraid of corn mazes to this day)
  
• The Omen (It's all for you, Damien!)
  
• The Shining (red rum anyone?)
  
• The Grudge (small Japanese boy who screams like a cat?)
  

Into the great wide open/under the skies of blue...

Songs that remind me of my sabbatical road trip

• Summer in the City--Regina Spektor (driving through Arches National Park)
• Say--John Mayer (small town Cortez, CO)
• All This Beauty--The Weepies (The Grand Canyon)
• Do I Have Your Attention?-The Blood Arm feat. Anais (open road)
• Better--Regina Spektor (White Sands National Monument)
  

Is your penis really that small?

I'm not a car buff or anything, but there are certain things that I think are crimes against nature.
Things that should never be done to cars

• Putting a rack on a gorgeous sports car, like a Porsche 911
• Any sort of adhesive or magnetic lettering or images on the doors or hood
• Ground effects
• Spoilers that are half the size of the car itself
• Rims that cost more than the car itself
  

I'll tell you where Santa can stuff his jingle bells...

It's no secret that I hate traditional Christmas music. If I hear Silver Bells or effing Frosty the Snowman one more time, I might commit a felony.
Nontraditional Christmas songs that I DO like:

• All That I Want--The Weepies
• X-mas Song--Meiko
• All I Want for Christmas is You--Mariah Carey (embarrassing to admit I like)
  
• Last Christmas--Wham!
• Ave Maria--The Cranberries (ok, traditional but sung by a nontraditional artist)
  

There is a cure for the holiday blues...

Favorite Thanksgiving dishes:

• Dressing
• Sweet Potato casserole
• Macaroni and cheese casserole
• Cranberry salad
• Banana pudding
  

Five. picture of the week...

The shadow five, the ghost five, vaguely reminiscent of Thanksgiving art projects past.

I'm rubber and you're glue!

Favorite childhood insults

• Fartknocker
• Turdburglar
• Dingleberry
• Shit head
• Douchebag
  

You take the good, you take the bad...

Cheesy old TV theme songs

• Greatest American Hero
• Facts of Life
• Growing Pains
  
• Family Ties
  
• Cheers
  

Fiddle dee dee!

Juicy Southern phrases

• Well, bless his heart (shortly before ripping him to shreds verbally)
• Knee high to a pig's eye
• Colder than a well-digger's ass
• Sweating like a whore in church
• As ill as a hornet
  

Killing me softly with her song...

Music artists I found without help from my much cooler friends (and yes, I like the ladies:)

• Missy Higgins
• The Fratellis
• Meiko
• Adele
• Sara Bareilles

Thank you Cleveland!!

If I could have a dream job, it would be to think up band names...here are a few I have in my back pocket:

• Nictating Membranes
• Lycopene
• Sweet Baby Jesus
• The Stuntcocks
• Obamarama
  

Zut alors!

Favorite foreign words and phrases

• Schmetterling (German for butterfly)
• Mon petit puce (French endearment meaning, my little flea--the shape your mouth makes if you say puce correctly is hilarious)
• Stronzo (Italian for asshole, piece of shit...I like it because it sounds like something to eat:)
• Wabi-sabi (Japanese concept for the acceptance and appreciation of the beauty of imperfectons)
• Guapo (Spanish for handsome)
  

My favorite animal is a liger...

Fantasy pets (if personal safety wasn't a factor)

• Dolphin
• Polar bear
• Three-toed sloth
• Koala bear
  
• Tiger
  

I plead temporary insanity, Your Honor.

Most frustrating experiences

• Waiting in the ER with a hurt loved one
• Dealing with Atlanta traffic
• Dealing with cell phone companies
• Herding clients
• Waiting half-naked in the doctor's office
  

Five. picture of the week.....

My dad taught me five lessons about life...
and if I say them at my daycare, I'll probably get kicked out.

My arteries are hardening just thinking about it...

Favorite Southern foods of death

• Fried catfish
• Sweet potato casserole
• Fried okra
• Pecan pie
• Hushpuppies
  

Crap you might buy if it's 3am and you're buzzed

Lovely "As seen on TV" items

• The Clapper
• The Bedazzler
• Hairagami
• Salad Shooter
• BowFlex
  

Doctor, my head is killing me and I'm bleeding out of my anus...

Favorite House, M.D. diagnoses

• Cancer
• Amyloidosis
  
• Pancreatitis
• Hemochromatosis
• Something autoimmune, i.e. Lupus

Something to make me look cool

Dumb iPhone apps

• iBeer--makes your phone screen look like it's full of beer. Fratboy accoutrement.
  
• Petals--lets you track your period. Really?
  
• Fake calls--so you can pretend you have cool friends
• Pet Dog--so you can fake walk a fake dog instead of doing your job
• coloSutra--helps you match your clothing...
  

By the Power of Greyskull!

Favorite childhood cartoons:

• He-man
• Thundercats
• Transformers
• GI Joe
• Voltron
  

Ridiculous rapper names

seriously, yo?

• Flo-rida
• T-Pain
• Silkk the Shocker
• Chamillionaire
• Q-Tip

I think these expain themselves, eh?